One of the issues that commonly comes up in my work with couples regards dating. The conversation goes like this:
-Partner A says, “You never make any plans for us to go out. You don’t care about me.”
What Partner A means: I would love it if you planned a date for us. It shows effort. That would make me feel wanted and that I matter to you.
-Partner B says, “We do whatever you want to do. Besides, I’m not that creative.”
What Partner B means: I really want you to be happy. And to me that’s doing what you want to do. Plus, I’m afraid that you won’t like what I come up with.
Partner B genuinely wants Partner A to be happy by going along with whatever Partner A wants to do/plans; however, what Partner A wants is for Partner B to take initiative/plan a date. With both, I hear good intentions, a desire to please, and a need for connection, plus hurt and frustration. And as illustrated, even with the best of intentions, what we think our partner wants is not what he/she really wants.
This is a very important topic because no matter how long you are in a relationship, dating is still a very beautiful thing that can nourish your relationship. It’s about romance. It’s also about having fun and enjoying one another. And it’s a way to get to know each other. And, thus, I like to encourage couples to be creative, as well as to recycle previous ideas. The fun is in trying experiences together.
5 Date Ideas in Houston to Inspire Connection
Below are 5 simple suggestions:
1. Visit a local coffee shop – Houston has so many wonderful coffee shops, some also offer great pastries and desserts. Check out one in your neighborhood! I have a lovely couple who have a weekly coffee date.
2. Go for a favorite activity or hobby. It could be something you both enjoy, or one that you like, or an activity that you want to try. Perhaps you can alternatively plan these dates. An inspiration is my absolute favorite couple who just celebrated their 50th anniversary and tried fencing lessons together after they first met.
3. Revisit your first date. Where did you go? What did you do? Recreate it! If that place is no longer in existence or is too far away, think about a second or third date, or the best date you had. Drs. John and Julie Gottman, two relationship experts, mentioned in one of their books about going to the same hotel and staying in the same room every year to commemorate their anniversary.
4. Enjoy nature – there are so many beautiful parks and green spaces all over Houston. How about taking a 3-mile walk around Memorial Park, exploring the Arboretum, or picnicking at your local park? Maybe you can snap a photo or two as well – I’d recommend Buffalo Bayou Park for that! I have a wonderful couple who take daily walks. And because they also have conversations on these walks, they call this activity their “daily wisdom walk.”
5. Turn one of the activities you already do into a “date.” For example, we have dinner every night. Perhaps you could make it a romantic dinner at home by lighting candles.
Relationship Support with a Local Houston Therapist
From time to time, it’s helpful to reflect on or have a conversation about the course of your dating. Are you sharing the date planning? Are you able to talk about it? Do you need help talking about it? If you need help, therapy will provide you an opportunity to process your experiences together.
All in all, I hope you enjoy romancing each other!
